Not as easy as it seems, but very very doable!

It is something that sounds so very easy and yet for the majority of the population we can't even manage to do it for 3 hours let alone on a daily basis.  We can't do it alone, we can't do it with our spouse and we sure can't do it with a circle of our friends.  What am i talking about?  Being positive.

Sit and think about how many negative thoughts you have in a day.  Hell, for most of us the first thought when we wake up is negative...I gotta get up!  I don't want to go to work. The kids are gonna be crap heads today just like yesterday.  Insert your first daily thought here.  I mean seriously, how many times have you woken up and thought "it's gonna be a great day".....maybe a handful, and those were special occassions you have been waiting for.  Think about all the times you get your paycheck and all you can think of is "great, screwed again" or "gee that's nice, nothing left for me" or even better " gee thanks for the mere pennies you pay me".  How often have you thought "yay i can pay my bills" or "woohoo i can get brakes for the car"....probably less then you were happy to wake up in the morning.  Think about all the times that someone did something for you and your thought was "that's nice but..." or "guess they don't know me very well"...instead of being genuinely happy and thankful that someone was thinking of you and trying to do something for you.  

What is my point here?  It's simple....positive brings positive and negative brings negative.  Sure we have all heard that before but think about it.  If you wake up assuming the kids will be crap heads your apt to react to that thought and the smallest thing they do will irritate/anger you...when really it wasn't a big deal, however your already negative mind set made it so.  How about that paycheck?  "gee nothing left for me" but do you stop and realize that you paid for the roof over your head, the gas in your car, the lights, the water, etc....Those things don't make you happy cause they aren't something material in your hand or something you wanted.  What about that gift that just wasn't what you were going for?  Let's say your friend got you a backpack...and ugly, gross, hot pink backpack.  When they gave it to you they were all happy and excited  because they got you something they thought you would like.  So instead of going "ugh this is horrid" look at it as a big hug from your special friend everytime you put it on and be thankful that someone cares for you.  If someone comments on it being ugly, you can say "thank you my friend gave it to me and while it isn't the best looking i truly cherish it and my friend"...or some such.

On that same note, how many times have you woke up negative and that negativity filled your entire day and made everything just go wrong?  And when something did seem to go right it just wasn't right enough.  How would it be to not have those days any more?  How would it be to be happier?  I think it would be great.  In all honesty it is great.  

I use to wake up going "ugh the kids are gonna be crap heads today" and watch my day avalanche into oblivion.  I use to complain that i didn't have enough money, enough time. These days i no longer think or act that way.  It is hard, it requires alot of retraining of our brains on a minute by minute basis.  But it does work.  

Here is what i do....I imagine the strictest teacher i ever had (Mr. Kamiya) following me around and writing down every negative thought i have.  For every positive thought i have it erases a negative one he wrote down.  Do it however you wish, this just works for me.  The point it when we realize how many negative thoughts we have in a day it really opens your eyes.  I was shocked and i thought i was a positive person lol.  Doing this day in and day out has made me retrain my thought process.  where i use to  think "of course you spilt you milk on the carpet for the third time, what is wrong with you"   I know think "uh oh, you spilt your milk again, lets clean it up and be sure you only drink you milk in the kitchen or from a sippy cup" and move forward. Where i use to think "OMG can this cashier move any quicker she must be dumb" i now think "oooo look at the sexy guy on the cover of people magazine"...You get the point.  

The second thing i do, and i got this from a book, is that before i get out of bed i think about 10 things i am grateful for in my life..It could be my computer for having friends i would never have, the lights for letting me see, my hubby for loving me, etc.  Then i get up.  This keeps me positive from the start.  The other thing i do is when i go to bed i go over all the good things that happened to me that day and then pick the one i think is the greatest and am thankful for it.  This allows me to relax and to realize just how many good things have gone on today.  

Being negative is so much easier then being positive...Just like being naughty is more fun the being good. However, if we appreciate what we have then we will have more of it.  IF we are thankful for that puny check it will grow (maybe you will get a lottery scratch off for the 25.00 you needed for gas), if we appreciate our friends more we will have more, if we truly appreciate the gifts we receive we will get more, if we wake up thinking "i love my kids" we will wake them up happier and they will be happier and our day will go smoother...

It sounds like an easy thing...just be positive, just be happy....it is, if you can retrain your mind and truly look at all the wonderful things you have...no matter what your situation.   

How to sell yourself short

Humans are interesting creatures to say the least.  There are all types and personalities but there is an urge in most adults, not all, that at times surges to the top and we fail to suppress it to our detriment...the need to be in control and the thought process of "my way is the only way" that goes along with that need of control.  

There are situations where you need to be in control, for safety or other reasons and then this is a good attribute but all too often we feel the need to be in control, and thus right, in situations where we would benefit so much more if we just listened to what others were proposing and thought before we opened our mouths and spoke.  Yes and No are easily said but should always be accompanied by a decent amount of thought prior to voicing them.

How many times has something been proposed to you, when mentally you had already figured it out, and you simply said "no that won't work" and regardless of what the other said you stood your ground...and inevitably sunk in the quicksand that was now under your feet?  How many times have you figured out a way to get a busy day done and when someone with you needed to do something in the middle of it you got mad at them because "it screwed up your plans"..When in reality that 5 extra minutes or even an hour, never changed anything significant other then to crash your good mood for the day and make you be ugly to people around you?  And all because it wasn't YOUR way.

It seems that we have a short time on this planet to live our lives and love the people in it.  With the state of the world and the government it seems that we all have our opinion on this or that and it seems to drift into our day to day psyche.  We are such an egotistical species that we sit and think "well i could fix that" and we can't, we sit and think "my way would have worked, dumb ass" when maybe it wouldn't have.  With all the turmoil and hatred why do we allow ourselves to be consumed by the negative.  Think about it...how hard would it be to simply shut your trap when someone proposed something and thought about it as hard and thoroughly as you would if someone were proposing something you had already thought of?  How many good moods would you have instead of bad?  How many good days would you have instead of bad?  How many more friends would you have? How much more money would be in your pocket?

Its ridiculously easy to sell yourself short in this day and age and it won't cost you a dime from your pocket or a swipe from your credit card...All you have to do is pretend your Frank Sinatra, open your mouth without thinking and say "I did it my way"

Plastic Asshole....PLASTIC!!!

“We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.” And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. Save the planet, we don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet. I’m tired of this shit. I’m tired of f-ing Earth Day. I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is that there aren’t enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world safe for Volvos. Besides, environmentalists don’t give a shit about the planet. Not in the abstract they don’t. You know what they’re interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They’re worried that some day in the future they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn’t impress me.

The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles … hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages … And we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet isn’t going anywhere. WE are!

We’re going away. Pack your shit, folks. We’re going away. And we won’t leave much of a trace, either. Maybe a little Styrofoam … The planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas.

The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, ’cause that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed. And if it’s true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice toward plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, “Why are we here?”

Plastic… asshole.”

Those new fangled smart phones..who knew...

I got my husband a new phone the other day, the new Razor Max and while he showered i thought i would check the cool new app's his spiffy new phone might have.  Imagine my surprise when i spotted a new application has been launched aimed specifically at both the undead and the walking dead.

Called "Zombie Tracker Pro", the application will instantly tell the user - providing, of course, their fingers don't drop off while tapping on their phones - extremely important information such as how much night is left before sun up, the distance to their graves from their current position and when the voting lines on The Voice are closed - plus much more.

Speaking from his crypt in Deathly Meadows, Moldy Eyesucker said that the "app" would be invaluable for his undead friends and colleagues.  He went on to explain that the pitfalls of being undead in current times were far more than those in the previous years what with all the zombie killing techniques being leaked thru movies that the undead were under threat much more than their ancestors ever were.

Aren't smartphones amazing these days!!!!

Poly Vs Mono ... Drama or no Drama that is the question!!!!

I get comments about "oh my gosh, how can you have more than one man in the house or more than one woman in the house, too much drama for me with just one" when people find out about my lifestyle choice.  I usually just laugh and don't answer but it got me to thinking...Do poly families have more drama then Monogamous families and after thinking most of the day my answer is a resounding kinda sorta, no not really but maybe....

First off I think that drama is caused by a person, not a group of people, and therefore can exist in mono or poly relationships with equal opportunity.  For example if you have someone that just has to be the center of attention and for whatever reason feels like they aren't getting it from their spouse then they are like to cause drama in some form or fashion...This is true regardless of how many spouses may be involved.  

Second, i think that drama is caused by the people who surround the drama maker.  If husband is indulgent or just doesn't want to deal with drama queen then he is going to allow said behavior to occur, again it doesn't matter how many husbands are involved if even 1 encourages it, it will exist.

Finally i think that drama is going to be determined by factors in childhood/high school and life events prior to entering into said relationship.  If you were part of a sorority (yes i'm profiling, it's my blog i am allowed lol) and mixed with people who's entire world was an "all about me" kinda thing, guess what you get..Drama Queen.  On the same token if you are a guy who was the King of the Football Field (profiling again, see above disclaimer) and had everyone fawning over him all thru high school guess what you get, no not the prom king.....the Drama King!  In either scenerio it is not going to matter how many partner's you have thier behavior will be the same.

Now here is where it does have more drama..If you have several partners and lets just say your masochistic and have decided that you wanted to have the Sorority princess and the Football hero as your lovers, well honey you signed up for that drama you might as well get some popcorn and some fancy curtains and make a stage, but i would at least charge admission and get something positive out of that situation!!!!

Licensing

there was a post on Cafemom today that asked if people should get a license to have a child.  

Personally, i don't think you should have a license, nor do i think all kids should be parented the same. I mean if that were the case, and everyone was parented the same way, there would be no individuality to a point.

What i do believe is that if you stand up and say that you cannot take care of your kids.  That you gave it a shot and either mentally, physically, financially you just can't be a parent then your kids should be taken away or you should give them up.  I don't mean an every once in awhile thing of "grrr this kid is killing me", no i mean if you have been at this for 6 months or a year and it just ain't gonna work, walk away and allow that child to have a home with people who can do it. 

If you use your kids to get attention for yourself and hurt them in the process you should have them taken away from you.  If you exploit your kids talents just so you can say "look at that, that is my baby girl" then are yelling and screaming at them and forcing them to be adults instead of kids then sorry about ya.  They are too young to honestly say "no i wanna do this" no matter what your adult brain tells you.

you abuse/neglect your kids, then they should be taken away immediately. You don't get a second chance to screw those poor babies up.  You don't get to play nice for a period of time to simply get them back, fall off the radar and start all over.  You abuse them once your gonna abuse them again...In my opinion that is just a cold hard fact.  Can people change, of course they can, but how many of those abusive parents actually change?  How many stop that cycle of abuse and become good parents?  Not enough to make me think they shouldn't all lose thier kids from the get go. 

If you have been diagnosed with personality disorders, narsassitic behaviors, scitzophrenia, or any other numerous psychological disorders on top of these problems, oh honey then you done screwed the pooch. Then they need to take your kids away, and get you sterilized so you don't just spit another one out and screw it up as well.

This is a throw away society of instant gratification and selfish ME ME ME thoughts and actions.  How in the world is it OK for people to treat kids so very horribly and then bitch when they loose them?  It's not.  License people? oh hell no but make damn sure there are consequences for those that are found to be unfit/abusive, etc!!!  Want the world to be a better place? lets start by raising our children with love, attention and respect...the ways of raising don't matter if those are your core thoughts at all times!!!

dogbook....

ok, i have seen alot in my day, and i have had some crazy ideas but Dogbook?!?!?!?.... really?  Why exactly is there a need for your DOG to have his own facebook account basically?  I mean really when did fido learn how to type? What are his status updates going to be "Hey FiFi i just peed on your fire hydrant"...."ooo lala have you seen the cocker spaniel in 3G...i'm gonna get some of that tail".

Plus, how would you feel if your dog had more neighbors then you in castleville? What if they had more friends then you?  What if they posted pic's of you?  What if their status updates were better then yours?  what if they denied your friend request? could you handle that stress? Plus you let a poodle on your computer and your going to end up with all kinds of doggie porn...do you really want to try explain  to the guys at Geeksquad why you have images of Rottweilers in bondage gear whipping poodles who are wearing ball gags?  "No really Chuck, it was my dog that downloaded that..."....sure it was.....

World of Warcraft and Polyamory.

Ok so here is a back ground on WoW for those of you who don't play.  You pick a character, (name, race, class, features, etc) then you go out into the bright computer pixel world and get your game on.  You do quests, get gear and level up from 1 to 85 (thank you to the idiots at blizzard that thought 80 just wasn't high enough grr!).  

Level 1-10 is quick, wham bam thank ya mam. Kinda like a quickie against the refrigerator.  

Then 10-20 is a little slower, however at this point you think you're a bad ass (your not) and start doing instances/dungeons (these are where groups of 5 people get together and play a particular area together to get gear and gold).  This is also the level people start doing battlegrounds (similar to dungeons except your going against other players not computer controlled monsters and bosses) and you really think your all that until you get your ass handed to you by someone 6 levels higher then you. 

So then 20-30 now this is kinda where you start thinking "ok I am just gonna quest and level up, mind my own business get gold and gear. Maybe do a few dungeons, but mostly grind my way thru levels". This is usually a fairly calm time, not too much yelling at the computer screen, but you do spend A LOT of time on the game and not participating in life as we know it. 

Ah then 30-40, well pretty much the rest of the way to 85, you are a dungeon running fool.  Instance after instance, gear gear gear. Unless you are PVP (player vs. player) then you spend you day beating the crap outta other players outside of orgrimmar just so your name shows up in the chat windows and you do battlegrounds all day, all night....Cyber bulling at its best for some people lol. 

Now. Lets say you have made it thru to level 85 (marriage in tact) and you have run dungeons til your fingers have bled from mashing keys. You have epic gear, everyone on your server knows your name, your guild is full of raiding people and you are ready to jump into the coup de gra.....40 man raids.....Your golden, you have made it to the pinnacle, life is grand. No one can whip your ass, you got money, gear, friend's...25 extra pounds of body fat, but who is counting.

Now, here are the similarities....

You are in a monogamous relationship, or single, your interested in polyamory, but you are that level 1 noob.  You know who you are(kinda), what you can and can't do (kinda, but not really), you start seeking people out, or they inadvertently seek you out.  Life is exciting/fun you are starting down that path, doing research, learning stuff but you have yet to pull that sword from its scabbard.  Fairly simple, easy enough.

Then you move into that 10-20 range.  You got this (the hell you do) you crash head first into trade chat "looking for group".  Some poor, unsuspecting folks, say "hey come play with us".  Off you go and enter this relationship with these people and  BAM! Welcome to Level 20 Boss "polyamory".  Your sword breaks, your helmet goes rolling,  you forget what button on your keyboard is attack and basically have your ass handed to you.  

You fall into this relationship feeling like you know it all when you have not got a clue.  But you got this remember?  Ok, lets make rules, ya that's it.  Lets control people's actions and feelings so that you feel better. Ya that will help. Ok, now lets make sure we know that those people fighting with us are really fighting AGAINST us, ya that's it, that is what they are doing it is their fault...Hmmm I thought you said  you had this....hmmm seems like a mound of shit to me. however, now you're in this boss fight and you don't have a clue what to do, so you fight and fuss and claw your way thru. 

Somehow you manage to make it to level 20, a ton of fighting and a hell of a repair bill behind you, with some new tools and equipment to help you.   You decide that your just going to work thru things, do what needs to be done, fix problems and keep moving forward.  Make things better for you and everyone.  So everyone kinda starts settling down, routines are learned, rules are dropped, people start to live. Pretty cool, this is what we were looking for a few levels ago. 

And then you hit level 30, ha ha ha you're a bad ass but your smart. You have figured out what works with your partners, their other partners, etc etc.  You have realized that some things are your fault, some aren't and trying to figure those things out and live together.  You have decided that those people fighting against you are actually fighting for those same goals WITH you. You have learned to be secure in your relationships, for the most part, and you have kept in mind that your partner's didn't do this to hurt you. Quite the opposite. 

You have made it to that point you thought you were going to just start at. You have made your way to 85.  fought fight after fight, got a ton of new gear, tools and equipment.  If you can make it thru the 10's, the 20's, the 30's, if you can fight the fights that need to be fought, learn the skills to make you a better person, level your intelligence, your ability to reason and your ability to think outside the box, then you have made it where we all want to go. That place where you come home, say "hi, I love you" (without wondering who you kiss first) and live your life without thinking about everything all the time.  

Your goal now, at level 85, PASS ON THAT KNOWLEDGE. Teach those noobs you CANNOT go into polyamory and start out as a level 85, geared out, bad ass. hell you can't even start out at level 25!  No matter how much experience you THINK you have at being in a monogamous relationship, or how much you have researched that level 20 boss "POLYAMORY", its going to one shot you every single time til you go slow, level by level, fight by fight.  To do anything else is to epically fail every time you put your clothes on or take them off.

Anryan